James and I never set out to make a documentary. On our return from Nepal, we viewed the footage and realised we had an important story to tell. The climate crisis was gaining momentum and there was widespread economic uncertainty and social unrest. Then a global pandemic raged out of control and many of us were feeling anxious and traumatised, grieving the loss of our safety and normalcy.

I know what it’s like to have my world upended; I know intimately how it feels to have my perception of certainty shaken to the core. My lived experience makes me an ideal messenger. Yes, we will have crushing disappointments and heart-breaking losses. And yet? By cultivating emotional resilience, we can face adversity with courage and an open heart.

Stories of grief and loss generally follow one of two narratives. The victim of tragedy—it’s every parent’s nightmare, you never get over the death of a child—or the inspiration of tragedy—you’re so brave, I wouldn’t survive if one of my kids died. I wanted to probe the spaces in-between, exploring the complexities and messiness of grief.

Why tell this story? When my daughter died, I desperately searched for stories that showed me how to go on living. Now it’s time to give back. I hope this film sparks conversations about what it means to be human, not shying away from difficult questions like how does one develop the capacity to tolerate deep sorrow, anxiety, and trauma?

Co-director, Kaye Cleave.

Kaye brought me onto the project in 2017 to help her document a physical journey to open Catherine’s Kindergarten and Hostel in Lalu, Nepal, but once we had returned down the mountain, we both realized that there was a much larger story to tell. Over the course of two years, I stepped into the role of co-director because both Kaye and I saw that this story was actually twenty years in the making, and together we delved into her journey through grief. 

The parallel storylines of a physical journey up a mountain and an internal journey to find out how to live with this loss became the tentpole for structure, and over time Kaye gathered the right voices to tell her and Catherine’s backstory. It was also important to seek out diverse authorities who could lend perspective to a grieving mother. The end result is a main character whom we follow from horrifying loss to being able to hold both the joy and the grief simultaneously. 

This is the film that challenged me to become more than a cinematographer and editor, and I am eternally grateful to Kaye for giving me the chance to help tell this story. It was the most wonderful bootcamp in documentary filmmaking, something I’ve always wanted to do.

Co-director, James Daggett.